Dullards Club Merch*
Reality Goggles
Includes virtually everything you see here
Like beer googles, only in reverse! Amaze friends, family and total strangers too with the clarity of vision afforded by these marvels of modern technology. No more muddled views of the world, reality distortion fields or the simulated reality of rose colored glasses. Get your Reality Goggles today and see the real deal!
Price: $14,995
"I Can Drink Like Daddy"
Mini-Mixologist Kit
A monthly subscription service that’s tons of fun for little ones who want to be just like dear old dad. Choose from a variety of libations including vodka, whiskey, tequila, rubbing alcohol, after shave, Vitalis and more! Includes mixers and limited edition sippy cup. Enjoy hours of fun staggering and slurring – just like daddy!
Price: $3,250/month
The "Un-Fit Bit"
Stay Trendy As You Abuse Your Body
Why bother keeping track of your sedentary lifestyle the old fashioned way? Kick back and relax in sloth-like bliss while Un-Fit Bit enhances your gold-bricking ways. Frequent snack and nap reminders will have you wondering how you ever loafed without it. Supplies are extremely limited, so don’t wait. Get it while you last!
Price: ¥142,376
ABSC Headphones
Active BS Cancelling
Tired of listening to all the bullsh*t day in and day out? So are we. That’s why we offer our ABSC (Active BS Canceling) headphones. With the flip of a switch you can tune out all the bloviating nonsense while enjoying the latest TDC episode. These wireless beauties support Bluetooth, WiFi, NFC, MP3, LmnOP and so much more.
Price: $41,999
TDC Podcast Tapes
Glorious Vintage VHS!
Vinyl made a come back and so will VHS. Enjoy all your favorite Dullards Club episodes on that vintage VHS player you have stashed in the attic. Brush off the dust and mouse droppings, plug it in and pop in a tape. Mind numbing minutes of tedium and banality are just a remote click away. So don’t wait! Place your order today.
Price: $3,999
TDC Coffee Mug
Now With 12% Less Lead!
Enjoying your morning cup o’ Joe is so much more satisfying when you’re assured of decreased levels of lead leaching into your body. In addition to coffee, these hand wash only mugs are great for holding pens, pencils and other knickknacks. Raise your mug on high and show off your Dullards Club pride – at home or at the office.
Price: $389
TDC Badge T-Shirt
Sporting Our Official Badge
You’ll be the envy of all your boring friends when sporting our official badge t-shirt. Available in XXL only, this stylish garment is available in the only color that matters – beige! For the more diminutive customers, this 100% synthetic frock can also serve as a dress or sleeping garment.
Price: $3,999
TDC Logo T-Shirt
Our Logo In Big-Ass Lettering
This is exactly the same as our badge t-shirt, except it has the Dullards Club logo instead of the badge. Again, it’s only available in XXL and beige. If you need other sizes/colors, may we suggest purchasing plain white t-shirts and a Sharpie. You can download our logo/badge and trace it.
Price: $3,999
TDC Badge Keychain
Keys not included
This item is ideal for holding … you guessed it, keys (keys not included). Compatible with a wide variety of key colors. A warm glowing sensation is normal when carrying this item. It’s nothing to worry about. Just be sure not to carry it for more than an hour next to reproductive organs.
Price: €2,299
